Adjusting

When you're in the thick of the adoption paperchase or while you're in the what-seems-like-forever wait time to bring your child home, it's almost inconceivable to think very seriously about some of the issues you may face once you're all at home together.  Most of us - whether subconciously or not - tend to think that any difficulties will be minor ones or that it just won't happen to our family.

It's wise to be prepared for an adjustment - for everyone in the family but especially for your adopted child. 

You can read so many excellent posts about how families are coping with attachment and grief-related behaviors if you peruse the blogs on our YWAM family blog list and on the other adoption blogs listed in the right hand column.  With great honesty and vulnerability, these parents have shared their struggles and triumphs - so that others can be prepared too.

I wanted to share a few paragraphs (used with permission) from some emails I've received recently from YWAM moms now home with their children.  

Jennifer Johns
soon after bringing Sena home...

"The Ergo carrier has been a lifesaver!  John used it quite a bit in ET, as well as when he was navigating the airports.  She just got used to it and seems to like it. I 'wear' her in it at church which eliminates anyone trying to hold her and keeps her from trying to run around. She also goes in it on my back at work - she was in it for 2.5 hours Friday and didn't complain.  I needed to clean the closet on Saturday and I strapped her on. She snuggles in and is happy as a clam!  My point would be that I really recommend the Ergo for adopting parents.  It is great for bonding and having some hands free time!  Sena is 25 lbs., so she isn't exactly light, but the way it is designed distributes the weight evenly."

Heather Mitchell

home March 2010 with Chally, now 2½...

"I wanted to share this picture with you! Up until the last few days, Chally has needed constant interaction. In the last few days I have seen her come upstairs to her play area and play with some puzzles for a few minutes - all on her own, without needing someone to direct her there and guide her in what to do and how to do it. Today I looked over and she was loading up the dolls from the dollhouse into the car and pushing it around, then unloading them and having them play in the house. She's also pretending a LOT with the older kids. She is playing kitties (wishful thinking on the kids' part, I think) quite often, and today she was 'waiting for Daddy to take her to her music practice.'  It's so amazing to watch her emerge, little by little. She will regress and be needy, then all of a sudden she is spreading her wings just a little bit more and more."

Sara Streitmatter

home with Sahara, 20 months old

"Sahara is doing very well. She is super busy and very talkative. It is great seeing her personality come alive. She loves to be outside but unfortunately the weather has been cold and rainy here.  She and Mazie are doing much better. It took almost 2 months for them to like/love each other. It was hard having them have to share me. As I type right now they are playing together. I love seeing their relationship grow. As for the boys, the adore Sahara and she adores them. She is at her best when they are home from school. She loves to play with them and I love to hear them talk with her. It is also an answer to prayer to see how much Sahara loves my husband. Their relationship started off so rocky. Once again, I am so thankful that they too love each other. Sahara loves daddy and runs to the door to greet him each day when he gets home from work. It melts my heart! After almost 3 months home I can officially say I love her like my own! Praise the Lord!"

Haley Ballast

brought Zeke home almost two months ago

"I thought you'd get a kick out of this -- the Ethiopian adoptive moms gathering proved to be the key to drastically improving Zeke's bedtime routine!! Because I was gone, Jon decided it was time to try something new (he knew I would have a harder time with it than him, so he decided to go for it while I was gone). It was taking us 60-90 minutes to put Zeke to bed because he wouldn't tolerate us leaving his room until he was totally and completely asleep. We knew this was not good because he was keeping himself awake vigilantly to make sure we were still in the room, so it was depriving him of sleep. However I was too hesitant to change it because I couldn't bear to have him cry when we left. Well, sometimes daddy's know best! Jon decided to do the normal routine (bath, jammies, bottle, prayers, songs, cuddles) but then leave the room after putting Zeke in his crib. And guess how long he cried before falling asleep? THREE MINUTES. Ha! He was ready to trust that we were close by if he needed us and felt secure enough to fall asleep by himself. And now he doesn't cry at all! We can now have all 3 boys in bed before 8 PM -- great news for EVERYONE! :)  So thanks again - not only did I have a fun night with some great women, I also got my evenings back now that my little guy falls asleep like a champ!"

Be sure to read Haley's blog post "Post Placement" 

Thanks so much for sharing!